Day 21. Stage 4 is not a death sentence.

I got my PET scan and bone marrow biopsy results today.

I'm a stage 4.  I have stage 4 cancer.  And you know what?  I'm sort of okay with it.

Don't get me wrong, it was shocking and it completely sucked when Dr. Martin (who was standing in for Dr. Blau while she dealt with a family emergency) told this to me, as no one wants to be told that their cancer is almost as bad as it gets.  But thank goodness I'd become best friends with Google ahead of time, because I already knew that while stage 4 is not the optimal result, it's not the end of the world, either.

I've discovered that lymphoma is unlike any other cancer out there.  It's the easiest to treat, and the staging is completely different.  Stage 4 for lymphoma indicates that there is cancer both above and below the diaphragm, as well as organ or bone marrow involvement.  The long-term survival rate is lower than the other stages of lymphoma, but is still WAY higher than the survival rate of other stage 4 cancers.

Apparently my PET scan lit up like a Christmas tree.  The cancer is in my right armpit (where the biopsy was done), my upper abdomen, my lower abdomen, my lower back, and possibly in my jaw and sinuses.  It's also in my liver and spleen, which is why it's a stage 4.  They consider it "advanced stage" lymphoma, and since it's a slow-moving cancer, I've probably been living with it for a while.

It sounds shitty, and it is, but it could have been way worse!  I have no bone marrow involvement, which I am incredibly thankful for.  That would have made it much more difficult to treat, and there would have been the possibility of having to have a bone marrow transplant down the line.  Having no brothers or sisters, it would be hard for me to find a match.  So I'm glad I don't have to worry about that!  I also don't have bulky disease - there are no large masses or tumors anywhere, just little splotches of cancer all over the place.  Bulky disease is much more difficult to treat, and it would mean having to have radiation in addition to chemotherapy.

Learning what stage my cancer is also means that I now know for sure what my treatment will be.  Chemotherapy is the winner.  I'll be doing the ABVD combination that is the common treatment for Hodgkin's lymphoma, but since NLPHL has both Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's characteristics, they're tossing one drug from the non-Hodgkin's chemo combination into my mix - Rituxan.  I'll be doing 6 cycles of chemotherapy (two treatments per cycle, so 12 treatments total), and will have a treatment every other Monday for six months.

I've decided to forgo freezing my eggs.  I found out there's only a 10% chance of infertility with ABVD, so I chose to start my treatment sooner instead and hope for the best as far as my fertility goes.  I'd planned on not having to start chemo until the middle of next month or later since the cryopreservation process takes up to 6 weeks.  Instead, I'll be starting chemo in a couple of weeks.

So what happens before chemo?  Lots, apparently.  I had to get a flu shot today, which means I'll probably catch a cold in the next couple of days.  My body has always worked that way - I don't get the flu shot, I don't get sick.  I get a flu shot, I get the flu.  But in this case, I have no choice.  If I get sick during chemo, it could be really bad.  It can turn into pneumonia and a hospital stay in a heartbeat.  So I'll have to be really careful no matter what, but the flu shot will help.

Next week I have a "Chemo 101" class, and will learn everything there is to know about what I'll be going through.  That's next Monday, and the following day I meet with Dr. Blau for a follow-up to today's appointment.  Sometime in the next week or so, I'll have to have an EKG and pulmonary function test done, and I'll also have to have surgery to have a port put in.  That will go in my chest just under the skin and attach to a vein, and they'll use that to draw blood before my treatments and also use it for the actual chemo drugs.  That way they won't have to try to find a vein in my arm every single time, and I won't have to have a PICC line in my arm that tends to get infected easily.

Since chemo is 100% in my future, and completely losing my hair is a very real possibility, my mom took me to look at wigs after today's appointment.  I didn't expect to buy anything, but ended up purchasing a fairly inexpensive, "night out" wig.  I've named her Veronica, haha.  Don't mind the lace on my forehead - I haven't trimmed it yet.

I also found this "everyday" one that was more expensive and I liked, but didn't buy.  I'm hoping since my hair is really thick it doesn't completely fall out, and instead just thins a lot.  But if it all falls out, I'll go back and buy this one.

Even my mom got involved in the fun!  :)

It was really difficult being in the wig shop at first.  It was overwhelming, and I almost walked out.  It was like my bald future was staring me straight in the face.  But I forced myself to stay, and actually had fun playing with different looks.  I'm still completely dreading losing my hair, but having some fun wigs will help make the experience a little better.

Okay, I need to get some food in my stomach before it easts itself.  Ciao!