It's amazing how much everything can change in one month. In July, I wrote a "to-do" list in my planner for this week. Go tanning. Buy tank tops. Get a Brazilian Blowout done on my hair. Pick up luau items for one of the theme nights.
I had to white all of that out. Now my "to-do" list has a whole new set of items on it. Make a list of the medications I now take to carry with me. Order a medical bracelet so if something happens to me, paramedics know not to give me oxygen. Call my insurance company and see if so-and-so is covered. Make an appointment to get a foot of hair cut off.
It still doesn't seem real. Even with the scars and the new foreign object in my body, it doesn't seem like this is my life. I don't know if this is something I'll ever accept or get used to. But I can guarantee you at least one thing - I will never stop fighting this. Even when I'm feeling like complete shit and on the verge of puking my guts out, I will keep pushing. I will win my battle, no doubt about it.
I got my port put in yesterday. I was afraid that it was going to look awful, and that you would be able to see it protruding through the skin. But when I came to and looked at it, I was pleasantly surprised! There's barely even a lump where it is. It actually took me a little bit to find the access point. There will still be a scar from the incision, but the surgeon put the incision below the port instead of above like I'd expected. So the scar will be below where the necklines on most of my shirts are. I'll still have the visible scar on my neck from where they had to access the vein, but that one is small. The one below the port is much bigger, so I'm glad that one can be hidden.
The place where my fingertip is in the second photo is where the port access point is. For those of you who have never seen what a port looks like, this is it:
The circle on the top of the device is made out of silicone, and that's where the needle is poked into. The catheter was inserted into a vein in my neck - I think it was the jugular, but it could be the superior vena cava. I can't remember. Like I said before, this is where I'll have my blood drawn from before every chemo session, and this is also where they administer the chemo drugs. If they were to do it in my arm, it would wreck my veins, so this is a much better option. I'll have this in my chest for about a year - it will stay in 6 months after I finish treatment.
As most of you know, I've already started looking at wigs. I'm just assuming the worst and that my hair is going to fall out completely, so I want to be prepared. I'd love to have a wig made out of human hair, but it just wasn't an option for me - they're thousands of dollars. Unless I want to sell one of my kidneys on the black market for some extra cash, there's no way I could afford it. I can't justify spending that much money on a wig. So I was just going to get a couple decent-quality synthetic wigs.
Dr. Blau had written me a prescription for a "cranial prosthesis," so I called my health insurance company today out of curiosity to find out how much they would cover, if anything at all. To my surprise, they will cover the cost of TWO wigs per year, as long as it's for a medical reason. And by "cover the cost" I mean ONE HUNDRED PERCENT covered. And get this - there's no limit on the cost. Not only can I get my insanely expensive, kidney-on-the-black-market wig, I CAN GET TWO OF THEM. I almost started crying. It may sound silly and shallow, but losing my hair is probably one of my biggest fears of this whole ordeal. I've been growing my hair out for years, and have had long hair for about 90% of my life. It's part of who I am. So when I learned that I can get a high-quality human hair wig, I freaked out.
This is the wig that I'm in love with. I'm not sure if this is the exact color that I want, but it's pretty dang close. There's a medical spa in Gig Harbor that sells them and bills insurance, so I'm going to go pick out a color during my "good week" following my first chemo session.
Yikes, my neck is throbbing - time to go take some more drugs! Ciao! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment