I broke down today. I've only cried a handful of times since being told I have cancer, but today I lost it. Everything is catching up with me, and it's hard to deal with it all at once. I QWOP-ed in the parking lot of Walmart and almost fell on my face. My fingers are starting to go numb, and it's difficult to write. I've started getting hot flashes frequently, which means my eggs and any future children of mine are probably blowing up inside my body. My hair is going to start falling out any day.
So while sitting at a stoplight, I put my face on my steering wheel and just started bawling. Thank goodness for tinted windows.
It's so much to process all at once. It's all stuff I expected to happen, but having an idea of what it will be like and it actually starting to happen are completely different, and it's overwhelming.
Sorry for the un-sunshiny post, but this is a cancer blog after all. Nothing about this is unicorns and rainbows. But every now and then I'm going to have days like today, and I have to do just what I plan on doing now - pushing through it.
Tomorrow is a new day.
KEEP IT UP! Keep your head held high. No one says you have to be sunshine and rainbows. It's a crappy experience. You're allowed to be human and have emotion. Thank you for your openness and transparency.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having a difficult time after the first round. If it makes you feel any better, my first round was the worst! I passed out in the shower. Super scary! I Just finished round 3, and I promise, it gets better. Keep fighting.
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